I received an email from A.Irene just moments ago, and it was about the signs of the second coming of Christ.
And I got scared.
The more I read, the more I felt guilty, worried, terrified even.
I haven't been going to church.
I haven't been worshiping.
I haven't been reading the bible.
Heck, I haven't been praying!!
Just at that moment, I came to full realization: I cannot call myself Christian. For I have done nothing in the past months to connect me to Christ. And I am ashamed of myself.
You know when Pastor Caleb was preaching about how we shouldn't shun God away in the cupboard? And we all agreed, and vowed that we would never do that? And guess what? I did it anyway. Only this time, He isn't even in the room anymore.
And so I cried. For the lost of my darling Jesus in my life. For the lost of what once was a great connection between me and Him. For the lack of joy from not being able to worship and praise Him.
So I watched some live Hillsong videos on Youtube. And I found myself yearning, aching to get back that connection I have lost. The peace, the joy, the inspiration I feel when I lose myself in Jesus.
That's just it: I want to get lost in Jesus.
I want to forget the world. I want to isolate myself in a room with Jesus. I want complete silence. I want no knowledge of time. Just Jesus, and only Him.
Oh God, I am so sorry I have forgotten you. Now I know, and now I have realized. And I will try to keep you in my daily life, for I know I cannot make a promise to You. But oh God please, help me remember! I loved you with all my heart. Make me love you all over again.
I know you have already forgiven me, that I know. But I must now try to forgive myself.
